My Life As an Underachiever...

And the journey to achieving, eh, something... anything really.

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

—Albert Einstein

Can’t fight it….

Reverting to underachiever ways is just soooo damn easy.  After my discouragement at not even getting an interview, I have not applied to a job listing in just about two weeks, with the exception of one recommended to me from a friend.  And I haven’t even gotten a response to that!  UGH!!

The more nights I sit at work and watch episodes of Battlestar Galactica, browse Buzzfeed, Apartment Therapy, and various other sites, the more disappointed and cranky I’m becoming.  I’m not satisfied with my current career, or lack thereof, yet I’m doing nothing to improve my situation.  

Here’s the gameplan…

  1. Continue to waste my nights this week, blame it on the holiday
  2. Start meditating… I need to release some of this negative energy
  3. Spend a nice weekend with my girl
  4. Starting next week, read as many articles and advice columns about resumes, cover letters, try to talk to anyone in the HR industry for advice, seek advice from friends or family
  5. Resume job search and applying 

1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.


Or the lack thereof!  Procrastination is an old friend of mine.  In fact, as I’m writing this, I have actual work that needs completed.  All in good time… that seems to be an unofficial motto of mine [the official is of course YOLO… just kidding!]

Anyway… I’ve been trying to get better at life and I’ve heard you actually have to do stuff in order to get said stuff done.  So I’ve been making To Do Lists and things have been getting done… albeit slowly, but still, done is done!  I still feel I’m wasting a good 70% of my waking hours.  I imagine if I could increase my productivity by even just 20% they’d probably make a movie about me… a new kind of super hero that gets shit done, faster and better than all the regular schmucks out there.  Maybe then someone would want to hire me!

Here are a few tips I’m sure I’ve stolen from other people, that have helped me to be more productive…

1.  Make your to do list the day/ night before.  You know what wasn’t accomplished today… list any items that didn’t get done on today’s to do list and put them at the top of tomorrows.  I review my list in the morning, add anything that I thought about in the shower, then get started.  Everyone is different, but I find completing a few easy tasks (pay bills online, book reservation for dinner, something actually work related) makes me feel good, like I’m actually doing things… that motivates me to tackle something bigger.

2.  Plan your meals 3-7 days in advance.  If you are anything like me then you spend more time thinking about food than anything else.  What are am I going to eat for lunch, will my girlfriend be home for dinner, she’s vegan so what can we eat together, I need to stop by the market for xyz ingredients, were those leftovers I ate for lunch rancid, ugh! why did I eat that giant bag of peanut m&ms… you get the picture.  Lately I’ve been planning my meals ahead of time and tracking my food and calories using the MyFitnessPal app.  I’ve found that I’ve been spending less time thinking about food and I’ve for sure been eating way healthier.  In fact I’ve lost over 10 pounds and my body feels better… I used to get an upset stomach or have indigestion issues after eating, but no more!  Granted I still think about food a lot, but as mentioned in previous posts, I love food and eating so I don’t expect that to change.

Those are the only tips I have for you… hey, what do you expect from an underachiever?  I can’t start out with a Letterman style Top Ten list for Pete’s sake… two tips are all you get so far!

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs… Are There Any Out There??

Let’s talk about employment and job searches!  While I have been putting in a fair amount of time and energy into this area, I have not been getting any positive responses… hell, I haven’t even been getting negative responses.  I have applied to probably close to 30 jobs over the past 6-8 weeks and it’s complete crickets out there.  I mean I literally have sent test emails to myself to make sure my Gmail account is functioning.  Can’t a girl get an interview at least??

Some things you should know about me…  I am not a giant fan of humans.  Nearly all my experience is in customer service based jobs and I’m fairly good at that… but it sucks!  I mean you get really tired of listening to someone bitch for 10 minutes about how housekeeping didn’t hang their towels up right and why is the bar not open at 2am when they really need another drink.  Suffice it to say, I’m desperately trying to avoid a job where I have to deal with the public, at least not constantly.

You should also know I abhor networking.  It kind of goes hand in hand with the not liking humans and especially strangers.  I’m a bit awkward and shy when I don’t know people.  Gathering at a cocktail event, rubbing elbows with business professionals… yuck!  Give me my sweatpants, a glass (or bottle) of wine, and the television remote, thank you very much!

I’m not giving up… I think I just need to reevaluate my strategy…

to be continued